We received our dossier back from China today and it was incredibly surreal to say the least! My stomach was in knots as I opened the Fed Ex envelope. I just kept staring at it as a thousand thoughts rushed through my head. I knew they color-coded all the different agencies as a part of their organization process of all the dossiers they receive and our old agency is a bright yellow! The cover and all over the inside of our dossier had Chinese writing on it and you could tell it had been handled quite a lot. I got a little anxious as I saw all these different numbers posted on the front of the dossier. But one item felt like it literally "jumped" off the cover...... "Family Number 1,708". What does that mean?! I let my mind wander a little as I flipped through it. Who had handled it? Did they actually read everything inside? Did they see my family pictures? How long would it have really taken to get a referral or will the program really close down as has been rumored? After some other pretty tough questions, I decided this probably wasn't the most healthy thing I could be doing with my time, so I closed it and put it on my bookshelf.Today has been pretty emotional as I have experienced a wide range of emotions. I had already experienced these emotions when we decided to change countries, so I really didn't expect the return of our dossier to evoke such similar emotions. It really caught me off-guard.
Even though I am absolutely beyond words about my excitement and desire for my little babies in Ethiopia, I have deeply struggled with the closing of the "china chapter" in my life. Since I have been blessed with others who have experienced similar events and emotions through this process, I have seen the unexpected in this process. I have witnessed the Lord's plan perfectly unravel in ways so unforeseen by His children. What a blessing to see the demonstration of the Lord's amazing sovereignty! I know He is not only pleased with our decision, but has guided us and has put an even deeper desire and love for our children waiting for us in Ethiopia right now. I am comforted by that assurance. Only the Lord knows if China will resurface in our future, but we do know that we are learning to depend totally on Him. Follow Him, Trust Him, Obey Him. The Lord may never completely reveal to us His plan for every step of this journey, but we are thankful for and confident in the sufficiency of scripture along with the Holy Spirit to guide us.
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” -Psalms 139:9-10
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