22 Weeks

I must admit that I was dreading today knowing that it would mark 22 weeks of waiting and thus, putting us a week outside of the 3-5 month waiting "window". It was like we were starting all over in our wait but this time, the wait time would totally be unknown. I felt very sad and defeated wondering if this adoption would ever come to fruition. So, last night, with a weary heart and a defeatist attitude, I decided to go to bed. My little "pity party" was in full swing and I definitely did not have a desire to read my evening devotional because I knew that absolutely nothing would make me feel better except receiving our referral call! As I laid in bed, I felt a strong "nudge" to be obedient and spend some time with the Lord and "cast my cares (or even a full-out selfish little pity party) before Him". I opened my devotional Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon for that evening and this is what it said:

"I called him but he did not answer." Song of Songs 5:6

Prayer sometimes lingers, like a petitioner at the gate, until the King comes forth to fill her bosom with the blessings which she seeks. The Lord, when He has given great faith, has been known to test it by lengthy delays. He has allowed His servants’ voices to echo in their ears as from a brazen sky. They have knocked at the golden gate, but it has remained immovable, as though it were rusted upon its hinges. Like Jeremiah, they have cried, “You have covered Yourself with a cloud, so that no prayer can get through.” Thus have true saints continued to wait patiently at length without reply, not because their prayers were not vehement, nor because they were unaccepted, but because it so pleased Him who is a Sovereign, and gives according to His own pleasure. If it pleases Him to bid our patience exercise itself, shall He not do as He wills with His own! Beggars must not be choosers either as to time, place, or form. But we must be careful not to take delays in prayer for denials: God’s past-due bills will be punctually honored; we must not allow Satan to shake our confidence in the God of truth by pointing to our unanswered prayers. Unanswered petitions are not unheard. God keeps a file for our prayers – they are not blown away by the wind, they are treasured in the King’s archives. This is a registry in the court of heaven wherein every prayer is recorded. Tested believer, your Lord has a tear bottle in which costly drops of sacred grief are put away, and a book in which your holy groanings are numbered. Before long, your suit shall prevail. Can’t you be content to wait a little while? Won’t your Lord’s time be better than yours? Before long He will comfortably appear, to your soul’s joy, and make you put away the sackcloth and ashes of lengthy waiting, and put on the scarlet and fine linen of full fruition.

I was reminded (and totally humbled) that the Lord gives according to His pleasure not ours. I have always known the Lord's timing is perfect but my heart has been convicted now by being reminded why His timing is perfect.....for His own glory. Even though we desire something now and we think we cannot wait any longer, He knows when He will receive the most glory for the blessings He bestows on our lives! Wow! I am glad I was obedient to that little "nudge" or I would have missed out on such honest, direct and comforting words.

**Funny little note: I have been very sick with a virus for the past several days and unaware really what the date was last night as I was flipping through my devotional book. I made an "educated guess" (I thought!!) on what the date was, so I read the evening of March 29th.....which is great, except last night was March 27th! The great thing is that when I discovered that this afternoon, I flipped back to March 27th to see what it said and although it was a great point, I really do not feel like it would have humbled me, convicted me or comforted me last night. The Lord met me where I was and gave me exactly what I needed in spite of me not knowing something as simple as the date! I love that!